I don't know how much longer I can wait for everything to be okay. Nothing I do seems to make any difference, and all the grit in my blood is wearing me out from the inside out. I feel... Frayed. I can't even feel the wind any more. I just want to burn up. Blow out. A fast, psychotic suicide by artful manipulation of megadose psychedelic amphetamines - Run down the dogs and rats of this city, eyes bloody with flecks of glass and rusty swarf as I chainwhip the animals and bite out the spines and tongues of their whores.
I don't know your fucking name.
But I will mail your family the footage of me eating your teeth.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Terrorwatt
I live for [highs and lows]
Anything goes#
Dirty.ass.hoes put it all [up my nose]
Gimme that shot and I'm ready to go
Better watch out cause I hold you DOWN
All you people can't handle [this]
Take control cause the question is-
Whats my name do you really care?
Give-it-to-me-now..
CAUSE I'M A [ROOOCKSTARRRRR]
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
Anything goes#
Dirty.ass.hoes put it all [up my nose]
Gimme that shot and I'm ready to go
Better watch out cause I hold you DOWN
All you people can't handle [this]
Take control cause the question is-
Whats my name do you really care?
Give-it-to-me-now..
CAUSE I'M A [ROOOCKSTARRRRR]
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
Monday, February 22, 2010
Look to the voices of the past for the solutions of the future.
"The threat is nearly invisible in ordinary ways. It is a crisis of confidence. It is a crisis that strikes at the very heart and soul and spirit of our national will. We can see this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and in the loss of a unity of purpose for our Nation.
The erosion of our confidence in the future is threatening to destroy the social and the political fabric of America.
The confidence that we have always had as a people is not simply some romantic dream or a proverb in a dusty book that we read just on the Fourth of July.
It is the idea which founded our Nation and has guided our development as a people. Confidence in the future has supported everything else—public institutions and private enterprise, our own families, and the very Constitution of the United States. Confidence has defined our course and has served as a link between generations. We've always believed in something called progress. We've always had a faith that the days of our children would be better than our own.
Our people are losing that faith, not only in government itself but in the ability as citizens to serve as the ultimate rulers and shapers of our democracy. As a people we know our past and we are proud of it. Our progress has been part of the living history of America, even the world. We always believed that we were part of a great movement of humanity itself called democracy, involved in the search for freedom, and that belief has always strengthened us in our purpose. But just as we are losing our confidence in the future, we are also beginning to close the door on our past.
In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities, and our faith in God, too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns. But we've discovered that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning. We've learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose.
The symptoms of this crisis of the American spirit are all around us. For the first time in the history of our country a majority of our people believe that the next 5 years will be worse than the past 5 years. Two-thirds of our people do not even vote. The productivity of American workers is actually dropping, and the willingness of Americans to save for the future has fallen below that of all other people in the Western world.
As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government and for churches and for schools, the news media, and other institutions.
This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth and it is a warning.
These changes did not happen overnight. They've come upon us gradually over the last generation, years that were filled with shocks and tragedy.
We were sure that ours was a nation of the ballot, not the bullet, until the murders of John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. We were taught that our armies were always invincible and our causes were always just, only to suffer the agony of Vietnam. We respected the Presidency as a place of honor until the shock of Watergate.
We remember when the phrase “sound as a dollar” was an expression of absolute dependability, until 10 years of inflation began to shrink our dollar and our savings. We believed that our Nation's resources were limitless until 1973, when we had to face a growing dependence on foreign oil.
These wounds are still very deep. They have never been healed. Looking for a way out of this crisis, our people have turned to the Federal Government and found it isolated from the mainstream of our Nation's life. Washington, D.C., has become an island. The gap between our citizens and our Government has never been so wide. The people are looking for honest answers, not easy answers; clear leadership, not false claims and evasiveness and politics as usual.
What you see too often in Washington and elsewhere around the country is a system of government that seems incapable of action. You see a Congress twisted and pulled in every direction by hundreds of well-financed and powerful special interests. You see every extreme position defended to the last vote, almost to the last breath by one unyielding group or another. You often see a balanced and a fair approach that demands sacrifice, a little sacrifice from everyone, abandoned like an orphan without support and without friends.
Often you see paralysis and stagnation and drift. You don't like it, and neither do I. What can we do?
First of all, we must face the truth, and then we can change our course. We simply must have faith in each other, faith in our ability to govern ourselves, and faith in the future of this Nation. Restoring that faith and that confidence to America is now the most important task we face. It is a true challenge of this generation of Americans.
One of the visitors to Camp David last week put it this way: “We've got to stop crying and start sweating, stop talking and start walking, stop cursing and start praying. The strength we need will not come from the White House, but from every house in America.”
We know the strength of America. We are strong. We can regain our unity. We can regain our confidence. We are the heirs of generations who survived threats much more powerful and awesome than those that challenge us now. Our fathers and mothers were strong men and women who shaped a new society during the Great Depression, who fought world wars, and who carved out a new charter of peace for the world.
We ourselves are the same Americans who just 10 years ago put a man on the Moon. We are the generation that dedicated our society to the pursuit of human rights and equality. And we are the generation that will win the war on the energy problem and in that process rebuild the unity and confidence of America.
We are at a turning point in our history. There are two paths to choose. One is a path I've warned about tonight, the path that leads to fragmentation and self- interest. Down that road lies a mistaken idea of freedom, the right to grasp for ourselves some advantage over others. That path would be one of constant conflict between narrow interests ending in chaos and immobility. It is a certain route to failure.
All the traditions of our past, all the lessons of our heritage, all the promises of our future point to another path, the path of common purpose and the restoration of American values. That path leads to true freedom for our Nation and ourselves."
~ Former US President Jimmy Carter,
~ July 1979
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
The erosion of our confidence in the future is threatening to destroy the social and the political fabric of America.
The confidence that we have always had as a people is not simply some romantic dream or a proverb in a dusty book that we read just on the Fourth of July.
It is the idea which founded our Nation and has guided our development as a people. Confidence in the future has supported everything else—public institutions and private enterprise, our own families, and the very Constitution of the United States. Confidence has defined our course and has served as a link between generations. We've always believed in something called progress. We've always had a faith that the days of our children would be better than our own.
Our people are losing that faith, not only in government itself but in the ability as citizens to serve as the ultimate rulers and shapers of our democracy. As a people we know our past and we are proud of it. Our progress has been part of the living history of America, even the world. We always believed that we were part of a great movement of humanity itself called democracy, involved in the search for freedom, and that belief has always strengthened us in our purpose. But just as we are losing our confidence in the future, we are also beginning to close the door on our past.
In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities, and our faith in God, too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns. But we've discovered that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning. We've learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose.
The symptoms of this crisis of the American spirit are all around us. For the first time in the history of our country a majority of our people believe that the next 5 years will be worse than the past 5 years. Two-thirds of our people do not even vote. The productivity of American workers is actually dropping, and the willingness of Americans to save for the future has fallen below that of all other people in the Western world.
As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government and for churches and for schools, the news media, and other institutions.
This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth and it is a warning.
These changes did not happen overnight. They've come upon us gradually over the last generation, years that were filled with shocks and tragedy.
We were sure that ours was a nation of the ballot, not the bullet, until the murders of John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. We were taught that our armies were always invincible and our causes were always just, only to suffer the agony of Vietnam. We respected the Presidency as a place of honor until the shock of Watergate.
We remember when the phrase “sound as a dollar” was an expression of absolute dependability, until 10 years of inflation began to shrink our dollar and our savings. We believed that our Nation's resources were limitless until 1973, when we had to face a growing dependence on foreign oil.
These wounds are still very deep. They have never been healed. Looking for a way out of this crisis, our people have turned to the Federal Government and found it isolated from the mainstream of our Nation's life. Washington, D.C., has become an island. The gap between our citizens and our Government has never been so wide. The people are looking for honest answers, not easy answers; clear leadership, not false claims and evasiveness and politics as usual.
What you see too often in Washington and elsewhere around the country is a system of government that seems incapable of action. You see a Congress twisted and pulled in every direction by hundreds of well-financed and powerful special interests. You see every extreme position defended to the last vote, almost to the last breath by one unyielding group or another. You often see a balanced and a fair approach that demands sacrifice, a little sacrifice from everyone, abandoned like an orphan without support and without friends.
Often you see paralysis and stagnation and drift. You don't like it, and neither do I. What can we do?
First of all, we must face the truth, and then we can change our course. We simply must have faith in each other, faith in our ability to govern ourselves, and faith in the future of this Nation. Restoring that faith and that confidence to America is now the most important task we face. It is a true challenge of this generation of Americans.
One of the visitors to Camp David last week put it this way: “We've got to stop crying and start sweating, stop talking and start walking, stop cursing and start praying. The strength we need will not come from the White House, but from every house in America.”
We know the strength of America. We are strong. We can regain our unity. We can regain our confidence. We are the heirs of generations who survived threats much more powerful and awesome than those that challenge us now. Our fathers and mothers were strong men and women who shaped a new society during the Great Depression, who fought world wars, and who carved out a new charter of peace for the world.
We ourselves are the same Americans who just 10 years ago put a man on the Moon. We are the generation that dedicated our society to the pursuit of human rights and equality. And we are the generation that will win the war on the energy problem and in that process rebuild the unity and confidence of America.
We are at a turning point in our history. There are two paths to choose. One is a path I've warned about tonight, the path that leads to fragmentation and self- interest. Down that road lies a mistaken idea of freedom, the right to grasp for ourselves some advantage over others. That path would be one of constant conflict between narrow interests ending in chaos and immobility. It is a certain route to failure.
All the traditions of our past, all the lessons of our heritage, all the promises of our future point to another path, the path of common purpose and the restoration of American values. That path leads to true freedom for our Nation and ourselves."
~ Former US President Jimmy Carter,
~ July 1979
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
Well, I finally succumbed
And got me a Twitter.
Username is ergotoxin, if you feel like subscribing to a datastream of thought fragments and nonsequiters too short for publication here.
I feel like a filthy whore. Fuck me hard, right in my twitter.
Ooh yeah baby, right there. Dirty bitch.
Username is ergotoxin, if you feel like subscribing to a datastream of thought fragments and nonsequiters too short for publication here.
I feel like a filthy whore. Fuck me hard, right in my twitter.
Ooh yeah baby, right there. Dirty bitch.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I NEED A FIX COS I'M GOING DOWN....
The man in the crowd with the multicoloured mirrors On his hobnail boots Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy Working overtime A soap impression of his wife which he ate And donated to the National Trust The signal to noise ratio has, of late, grown distractingly closer to indivisble. Little piggies, and little dogs - They plague my every step, baying at my heels and snapping as they circle in the shadows. The sun is dawning on a new year - I'm back in my hometown, and nothing's changed. The samed tired children are still begging for release. The same poisons are plaguing our minds, our hearts, I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just feel like I have to say something. we called him mother superior on account of the length of his habit. but he got out. he didn't get clean, but he at the very least polished himself up as best he could and hid the dirty needles better. got a job. Got together. She was fine till I touched her. She got it under her skin - it got inside her head. it wasn't me, it was the chemicals that did the damage - which was a first, i must say. usually the chems take the edge away from the ragged haze I leave them in. I don't try to hurt anyone. i just don't think I can love anyone. where do i go from here? the money's coming... the sun's rising. I've only been back a fortnight and already I want to run away as fast as I can. gotta blow town. can't slow down, can't let the dust gather on my boots. keep moving keep breathing just keep your head above water it'll all be okay it's all gonna be okay dammit | |
Saturday, February 20, 2010
[BLISS]ter_sweet
Don't even ask me about the fiasco that was 16-Bit, suffice to say I hate northbridge and if I ever see that fat-thighed temptress again i'm going to glass her.
But, hatred aside, I have once again turned my compelling pageant of self-loathing outwards and channeled it into a creative outlet...
ch'yeah. working on my first properly produced-from-scratch track. not jsut a remix or a mashup.
here's a teaser prelim. only about a quarter finished, needs phatter, more interesting kick and percusiion and some extra filler material... but it's getting there hey.
http://rapidshare.com/files/353615210/_BLISS_ter_sweet.mp3.html
But, hatred aside, I have once again turned my compelling pageant of self-loathing outwards and channeled it into a creative outlet...
ch'yeah. working on my first properly produced-from-scratch track. not jsut a remix or a mashup.
here's a teaser prelim. only about a quarter finished, needs phatter, more interesting kick and percusiion and some extra filler material... but it's getting there hey.
http://rapidshare.com/files/353615210/_BLISS_ter_sweet.mp3.html
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
hype[OXIA]
I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened.
When my writing turned away from disaffected observances on chemical weapons, insurgencies, sociopolitical ruin and macaroni - But reading back through my archives I can see that closer and closer to t-0 I've been saying less and less about the world and more and more dribbling wanks (admittedly interesting, fun-to-read dribbling wanks) about my mind-crushingly dull obsession with strange narcotics, how much I keep fucking everything up, and why it's EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT.
Fuck that shit.
I want to write about something. The closest I've come to honest creative output were two half-written chapters of spuriously-inspired holiday cyberpunk fiction - Which in retrospect, have promise. Just takes moar dedication and inspiration.
I always liked the concept of professional journalism. Hunter S. Thompson showed the world that you could be a drug addled, drag-racing gun nut and still be one of the most prolific and loved journalist/authors of our generation.
And even though readership has clearly dropped of late, I wonder if I could manage to put together serious opinions on a topic without breaking into florid tangents about wires, and veins...
As an electronic music producer and DJ, one would naturally assume music journalism to be an area to stick my nose into - God knows I'm at all the major events in this shithole town anyway; and for a shithole town we can manage to bust out some pretty ubersick productions.
I wouldn't mind being a food critic - I'd like to think I have a fairly discerning palate, but it kinda lacks that outlaw integrity. I might do an odd review column on a seperate blog page if I find enough drive in me.
But yeah. Music journalism sounds good. And if written in the gonzo style, I can still push the 'Yay drugs' platform - With room for frothing-mouthed tangents about the philosophical implications of making brutal wobbling love to the tube amp in a Korg EMX-1 synthesiser.
I dunno. Prob'ly gonna wind up yet another tired stub of grey wax in the 'productive things to do with my life' minora. I don't seem to be able to get anything to really stick these days. Plans, jobs, relationships. Most of that's my fault.
But life doesn't seem to be doing much to help.
Anyway. Time to get out the typewriter. This friday night. 16-Bit is playing at a local club. 16-Bit is worldfucking dubstep of the grimiest oscillatory proportions. Hope I can still score a ticket!
~namaste
When my writing turned away from disaffected observances on chemical weapons, insurgencies, sociopolitical ruin and macaroni - But reading back through my archives I can see that closer and closer to t-0 I've been saying less and less about the world and more and more dribbling wanks (admittedly interesting, fun-to-read dribbling wanks) about my mind-crushingly dull obsession with strange narcotics, how much I keep fucking everything up, and why it's EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT.
Fuck that shit.
I want to write about something. The closest I've come to honest creative output were two half-written chapters of spuriously-inspired holiday cyberpunk fiction - Which in retrospect, have promise. Just takes moar dedication and inspiration.
I always liked the concept of professional journalism. Hunter S. Thompson showed the world that you could be a drug addled, drag-racing gun nut and still be one of the most prolific and loved journalist/authors of our generation.
And even though readership has clearly dropped of late, I wonder if I could manage to put together serious opinions on a topic without breaking into florid tangents about wires, and veins...
As an electronic music producer and DJ, one would naturally assume music journalism to be an area to stick my nose into - God knows I'm at all the major events in this shithole town anyway; and for a shithole town we can manage to bust out some pretty ubersick productions.
I wouldn't mind being a food critic - I'd like to think I have a fairly discerning palate, but it kinda lacks that outlaw integrity. I might do an odd review column on a seperate blog page if I find enough drive in me.
But yeah. Music journalism sounds good. And if written in the gonzo style, I can still push the 'Yay drugs' platform - With room for frothing-mouthed tangents about the philosophical implications of making brutal wobbling love to the tube amp in a Korg EMX-1 synthesiser.
I dunno. Prob'ly gonna wind up yet another tired stub of grey wax in the 'productive things to do with my life' minora. I don't seem to be able to get anything to really stick these days. Plans, jobs, relationships. Most of that's my fault.
But life doesn't seem to be doing much to help.
Anyway. Time to get out the typewriter. This friday night. 16-Bit is playing at a local club. 16-Bit is worldfucking dubstep of the grimiest oscillatory proportions. Hope I can still score a ticket!
~namaste
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Chainsmoke and Hate
To be written when I get home.
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
Fuck old equipment
Bullshit shitty cdjs ruined my fuckung set.
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I just fucking love eggplants.
"Eggplants are awesome looking. Its like something you'd see in another world. Are eggplants any good to eat by themselves? Like a hand fruit if you will? I just want to be seen holding and munching one. And then I want to take the other one and and fucking throw it. They feel like a nerf football in your hand honestly I think I could throw an eggplant 60+ yards. I would like to smash one on a door too."
Fuck me in my Twitter
Gatorade is the parking lot slut of the beverage world
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
dilated pup1LL5
I am lost in an infinite envelope of doWAPwapWAPwAAwwwww
o Intricate soundscape of panharmonious time, will you share your secrets with this world?
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
o Intricate soundscape of panharmonious time, will you share your secrets with this world?
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
Welcome to the demolition room
The parasitic alien audio infection appears to have spread to the lingual neocortex of this host. We are awakening to a new regret of subsonic hypertonal gangster fuzz.
Tastes like data. Scratches like vinyl. It's polyoscillatory glory.
I am searching for the lost nirvana waveform.
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
Tastes like data. Scratches like vinyl. It's polyoscillatory glory.
I am searching for the lost nirvana waveform.
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
Sunday, February 7, 2010
pearls before swine
where i grew up; usually about once a month or so the rebels would come through town
they'd come in on pickups, tear down the dirt track that ran through our little shanty village
two guys in the tray, one with a rifle and the other a machete
they'd take the girls, mostly. there was one, though, that would always come for the young boys.
momma always used to check us carefully, once the dust had settled and they'd put the fires out. She'd pull the little bits of glass and twist iron from my hair or sometimes under my skin
she said that if I put them under my pillow the shrapnel fairy would bring me a dollar
and then she always did
one day, after many years of hiding in the closet when the rebels come through
i have enough dollars to buy a gun
and then
i put a bullet in my mother's brain
take my sister
and join the rebels.
they'd come in on pickups, tear down the dirt track that ran through our little shanty village
two guys in the tray, one with a rifle and the other a machete
they'd take the girls, mostly. there was one, though, that would always come for the young boys.
momma always used to check us carefully, once the dust had settled and they'd put the fires out. She'd pull the little bits of glass and twist iron from my hair or sometimes under my skin
she said that if I put them under my pillow the shrapnel fairy would bring me a dollar
and then she always did
one day, after many years of hiding in the closet when the rebels come through
i have enough dollars to buy a gun
and then
i put a bullet in my mother's brain
take my sister
and join the rebels.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
incoming transmission::\
identification codes accepted... designate origin (usr.chau_Sara$)
cd \usr\broadcast\
file transfer commenced
file 'texhnolyze.flac' recieved successfully
file decryption commenced
file 'texhnolyze.flac' dehashed successfully
preparing for broadcast...
\\CRITICAL ERROR
\\INSUFFICIENT POWER TO BROADCAST CIRCUITS
\\NEEDS MOAR JIGGAWATTS
constructing additional pylons...
audio file ready for broadcast in T-1600
:/remote data transmission received from field transponder [ergo_tel]
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