mayhem in the house of ghosts

brittle eyes in the wood fires
coal for pupils,
and splinter-lashes
watch, now as the children lie
mock-executions with plastic axes
chewing dirt and screaming tongues
the madman writhes with mud and song
i cannot speak, I cannot cry
to clear my mouth of bitter ashes
on my back I face the sky
and wait for peace to come with blackness.

The Tribe

Face the tribe, lead the wolfsong.
I have daydreamed and nightwalked
under stars, under clouds
lashed by tendons and
standing on concrete
teach the fool, fuck the police
dance with the girl with the smoke in her eyes
centralised, the tribe,
the old wolves age and fade away
Who needs money with friends like these?

[Lupe Fiasco]
Uhh.. yeah
He just sits, and watches the people in the boxes
Everything he sees he absorbs and adopts it
Heeeeee mimics and he mocks it
Really hates the box but he can't remember how to stop, it
Uhh, so he continues to watch it
Hoping that it'll give him something that he can box with
Or how the locksmith, see the box as, locked in the box
Ain't got the combination to unlock, it
That's why he watch-es, scared to look away
Cause at that moment, it might show him
What to take off the locks with
So he chained himself to the box, took a lock and then he locked it
Swallowed the combination and then forgot, it
As the doctors jot it all down, with they pens and pencils
The same ones that took away his voice
And just left this instrumental, like that

[Chorus: Josh Matranga + (Lupe)]
And he never lies (he never lies, he never lies, uhh)
And he never lies (uhh, he never lies, he never lies, no)
And he never lies (he never lies)
Cause he never said anything at all

[Lupe Fiasco]
He just sits, and listens to the people in the boxes
Everything he hears he absorbs and adopts it
Anything not coming out the box he blocks it
See he loves to box and hope they never stop it
Anything the box tell him to do, he does it
Anything it tell him to get, he shops and he cops it
He protects the box, locks it in a box
when he goes to sleep, but he never sleeps
Cause he stays up to watch it, scared to look away
Cause at that moment, it might get stolen
And that's the last of the boxes
So he chained himself to the box, took a lock and then he locked it
Swallowed the combination and then forgot, it
As the doctors jot it all down, with they pens and pencils
The same ones that took away his voice
And just left this instrumental, like that

[Chorus]

[Lupe Fiasco]
(Anything at all..) He never lies
Uhh, and you can't tell me just who you are
You buy new clothes just to hide those scars
You built that roof just to hide those stars
Now you can't take it back to the start
And you can't tell me just who you are
You buy new clothes just to hide those scars
You built that roof just to hide those stars
Now you can't take it back to the start

[Chorus]

[Lupe Fiasco]
(Anything at all.. anything at all..)
Uhh, and you can't tell me just who you are
You buy new clothes just to hide those scars
You built that roof just to hide those stars
Now you can't take it back to the start
And you can't tell me just who you are
You buy new clothes just to hide those scars
You built that roof just to hide those stars
Now you can't take it back to the start
[repeats and fades as Josh ad libs]

Sometimes, I don't know why I bother.

People will always be people. Humanity is so definitively predictable that you would have to be batshit star-crossed to suspect, even for a moment, that they will behave the way you want them to.

I want to slap myself. I need to stop talking myself into feelings for people, and start remembering what it feels like to actually fall for someone.

When you get that little chunk of emotion pulled out of you, that plug in the bath of your love, you feel it drain away and wonder if it will ever refill. If you'll ever heal right. but until you do, nothing stays put. It just drains away, drains away in languid circles. if you turn the tap on hard enough, you can still fill the bath faster then it can empty, but eventually you remember that you chose to turn that tap on.

The doll, so childlike and innocent, is just that. She would never choose to hurt someone, but she might not realise that she just did. Safety, sensible choices, and caution are MY constructs, and I shouldn't have applied them to someone who I guess I really don't know that well at all. I'm not angry. I'm just... disappointed in myself for letting it build up in my head and blind me to the woman who has always been there for me. I cannot believe I actually pushed her away because I wanted to be with Belle.

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck between two bridges, and I set one alight weeks ago, but its been smouldering silently. The other I can see was never strong enough to hold me in the first place, and I'm probably lucky I didn't try to cross it. I just hope I can get back before the fox burns to ash, and I'm left only with the taste of smoke and tears in the air.

I'm so fucking weary. I just want to go home.

AND THE GODS MADE LOVE....

the grave membrane, I find myself wrapped in it once again

a bitter, cold sheet, like thin silk dipped in hot wax. Every movement sheds flakes, leaving a trail across the dance floor - mud, wax and ash. grind it between your toes, you can feel it squirming.

it's like walking in someone's stomach.

i don't know how long I've been trying to hide behind the veil, but the witch-birds that circle overhead, swooping and clawing at my hair with leatherscaled talons, theyc an see through it - I sometimes feel like the whole world can. like gossamer, fine fishnet that doesn't actually hide you from anyone's eyes, you can see the whore of babylon's nipples bouncing in the ultraviolet illumination of the warehouse rave, evil incarnate on the dancefloor.

you can see the eyes of a child staring form an old man's skull, forgetting for a moment the horrors of his live, now leaving.

you can see the porcelain skin of the doll, and the velvet tone of her cheeks as the fabric clings to her.

i feel suffocated. I can see out, they can see in, this veil does nothing to hide me, nor to keep me warm, but I can as little tear free from it as I could ascend to the stars.

pinned. the universe stands above me - "This will hurt, because you have hurt others before."

my arms are numb. my legs limp. I can only scream, and I don't even know if anyone can hear me. i know now, this is no veil I wrap myself in. I thought for a moment it was a shroud, and I lay on the cross, but no

its a chrysalis

i lay in hex, frozen in time, molten form dripping through the cracks in this dimension as kaleidoscope enzymes dissolve my fleshform

life is the preparation for the transition to another dimension, and the path will not be easy. it will hurt - i know it will, because they told me so.

i'm ready to hurt.

cut the threads, let me fall.

Going insane.

I need something to fucking do.

I need to get my license so I can go out whenever I feel like it and not have to rely on the fucking bus, which means I can only leave the house bwteeen the hours of eight am and nine pm without the aid of some external mode of transport, like a hot-air balloon or a friend with a car.

I need people who, when they say they'r going to come round and stay over, to actually do so, so that I don't blow off other plans for them and then wind up sitting at home alone again

I need chemistry to behave the way it's supposed to, and I need to not sleep in for so long that by the time I got my equipment unpacked I'd have to pack i all up again so the house is clean before my parents get home from work.

I need the people who owe me money to get it to me and to be FUCKING CONTACTABLE so I can stick to deadlines that I make with the people I owe money to.

I hate everything right about now. I'm stagnating, suffocating, and grilling out in leaps, loops and wells of self-pity.

I have nobody left to turn to. I don't even know if I would, if they were here. All i do is smoke, sleep, and check my email every fifteen minutes.

Fuck perth, I need to GET OUT OF HERE.

FLASHBACK - Circles Erratica

Wet, cold wind that hits you in the face - Bites your ears, threatens to tear your hat away and throw it into traffic.

I'm coming home tomorrow, my work here's almost done
Now all I have is sorrow for in time, we all go up in smoke

Endless hours at the airport - Tiny iPod, full of Bob Dylan, Cat Stevens and Colin Hay. Boots crunch on salt and concrete - Vancouver cigarettes, cheap lighters and hard eyes.

I'm coming home tomorrow, I've given back my gun
For all I own is borrowed and in time, we all go up in smoke

Late in the afternoon with my serene lady, looking for a coffeeshop, wound up topless in the snow, braving frostbite just to touch each other. later, strip poker and pink lemonade punch.

Silently as my tears flow, this fear keeps on burning
As I sleep and the winds blow, to you I'm returning

hockey in toronto. taxis, trains and buses, swapping stories with dope dealers on the subway. too much coke, blood noses while snowboarding. credit card debts and toffee near niagra.

I'm coming home tomorrow, I'll never meet my son
I am a local hero, but in time, we all go up in smoke

basement snacks, barefoot in the snow - smoking to pass the time, can't sleep, can't feel my fingers. glad I didn't roll back then.

Silently as my tears flow, my soul keeps on yearning
As I sleep and the winds blow, this world keeps on turning

I don't know why the memories are here now
but I'm glad they are
it was one of the greatest months of my life. I wish I was back there. life made sense.

I'm coming home tomorrow, my work here is all done
Now all I have is sorrow for in time, we all go up in smoke
We all go up in smoke