Monday, October 18, 2010

And as the horns sounded the last post...

Babylon crumbled;

and the cellar door was blown shut by the whispered prayers of a dying man's pride.

It is; at last; the end of the road. Time at last to take my work with me to the grave.

I do not expect an easy afterlife - The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I have buried too many friends under those mouldy cobbles. My only wish is that they who have sent me here now, floating face-down in the river styx - That they one day experience the remorse of god and the mercy of the devil. For which mankind deserves neither...

I have stared into the abyss and then, been plunged headlong into the inky morass. I shall take a few moments now to speak to some of my readers who I have not had the chance to contact through other means; before I pull the trigger and bury myself once and for all.

To the investigator's son - You are a coward, and a fiend. I hope you one day wake up to yourself. I am ashamed to think I once defended your character and called you my friend. Put down the pipe and go home to your family - If not for yourself, then do it for them. Family is all we can rely on when all else has failed us. Also; you ruined drum and bass for me. Shame on you. ;D

To the soldier's son - I truly regret not having taken the time to spend honouring you and your loved other the way you two deserve. You are some of the most honest and open, caring and kind friends I have been blessed with, and I have nobody but myself to blame for not exploring that farther.

To the two oldest and most generous friends, to whose doorstep I brought with me the devil's footsoldiers. I can never atone for the darkness and danger that you have been faced with because of my selfishness and arrogance. You have done so much for me but I have given you nothing in return but excuses, heartache and risk to yourselves and those you live with. I am so, so very guilt ridden and I know that the last thing you probably want to hear from me is another apology. So instead I'll just say that I love you, and that I will repay you one day for everything I can.

Anyway. The sun's about to rise here. I haven't been able to sleep much lately. Watch the news, but don't believe everything you hear or read. This is the Doctor, signing out for good. Exeunt.


Pandemonium_of_the_bete_noire said...

and the ones left waiting that hear nothing?
Get spoken too by no one?

What message do I get?

owlsdon'tpry said...

The last thing you need to be worrying about is breaking things older than can be broken. I have never posted on here before... you used to have trouble getting me to read. Liked the story about Syd Barrett in his teens learning to fly.

I don't know when we will speak again, but it should be not a large concern for you. I will be there if things should be so fortunate as to allow a sense of freedom to blossom again.

Things were not only out of your control my friend, they were also well without of mine, and I tried to fix them. This was my mistake, less yours. In as few words as I possibly can:

Forgiveness is not a question - but a given. All will come to pass in time that is this decade's new beginning.

Happy Birthday,

Guerrilla Mind-Fuck said...

I've spent weeks trying to decide what to write to this. Hear me out. Whilst some of the things you said are true, don't ever assume that you were blameless in this. You sold your friends to get high, even in the face of irreconcilable loss that drug was the first thing you turned too.

I became a shit person, yes I know, but I wasn't the only one. The man I once respected and cared deeply for was reduced to a snivelling pathetic boy, to caught up in his own self importance to see what the fuck was happening around him. To see that the person who actually gave a fuck, who would have done anything for you got pushed away. I tried at every turn, put I couldn't take it any more. Nothing I did/said was taken on board, despite the fact I did, and would have done, everything and anything you asked.

Once upon a time you were the greatest man I knew. In my mind you will always remain that way. The last few months we shared together were fucked and unwelcome, but I can erase them. As for me, all you need to know is that this is my fourth week sober.

I guess what I am trying to say is that, I'm worried about you. I miss you more than words can say, despite the harsh things that I have said.

When we meet, in this world or the next, I only hope that I can earn your forgiveness.

Fair thee well, Doctor. I know that I will catch you on the flipside.

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