Thursday, March 19, 2009

A crisis of unconscience

Earning and honest wage... Digging a hole in reality and finding society at the bottom... Burning Bape hoodies, mescaline and anchovies... Eat the skin and shit the bones.

I'm finding myself drawn closer and closer to the notion of dropping out of university in order to pursue my writing. Chemistry is my love, it provides the Answers That I Seek, but I don't know if I want to work in a pharmaceuticals lab for the rest of my life.

I certainly wish to have a laboratory in my home, so that I can pursue my own research, but everything I've seen about the current academic bias (or lack therof) in Australia, and to a lesser extent, the world, suggests that getting anywhere in science basically consists of doing someone elses work for most of your life and then spending the erst of it begging for funding from a government that doesn't care or companies who want to put you on a leash as a pet chemist.

I certainly feel that I could discover something truly world-changing if given the chance. But... I can't do nine to five. I can do dealines so long asI can do them to death, if you know what i mean, really screw them against the wall until it's balls to the wire two-am scattered dribbling into a word processor, then crashing oput hard to wake up the next afternoon, half an hour before its due and faxing it off so your editor doesn't have enough time to proof-read or critique the damn thing before it goes to press...

That's not the kind of attitude that is likely to get me any tenured positions on any major publications, but it seems to be where I do my best work. At my own rate, up late, angry at my own reflection.

The last time I had to work to a deadline for a uni assignment I wound up ordering a pizza at three in the morning, asking for a large supreme with "anchovies, peyote and tabasco sauce", and then hit the delivery girl with a can of mace when she knocked on my door.

Good pizza, though.


Nooor said...

Hey, I have this elderly friend who is like you, he wanted to be a writer.
He has a degree in biochemicals now, he's good with science.
His advice for you is get a good degree in chemistry, make some money before pursuing your dream of writing.

He's about 60 years old. He's been writing as a hobby. He's rich, living life, and he's now a retired writer.

Get a degree first, don't get discouraged.


The Architect said...

I feel like I'm perpetually stuck playing warcraft for the horde.

Work. Work.

No storyline.

Still feel the need to win.