Sunday, August 31, 2008

cast-iron conclusion

A friend of mine bought a set of brass knuckles the other day from a chinese flea marke. I glanced at them, but passed over (poorly constructed die cast zamak pieces of shit). Given that he's a white college student who almost never ventures anywhere more dangerous then the restricted section of the hogwart's library, I asked him what he needed them for. His answer?

"Oh, so I can save somebody's life if I need to."

Wow. Last time I checked, brass knuckles didn't teach you how to do CPR.

But seriously, wrong ideology.

Brass knuckles are for fucking someone's shit up. If you say "I hope I can save a life with mine" then you will never be able to use them to their full potential. You need to say "I want to unpretty a bitch with these". "I want to put you on a permanent soup diet". "I want to abort your jawline".

'nucks are vicious fun for the whole family. Get out there and pulp someone's kidneys today.

If you want to save lives, join Medeciens sans Frontieres. It's on my to-do list, for the record.

I'm a little disappointed in the old 'steel sandwich' standby, though. In recent times I've seen it plastered all over a wide range of scene kid emo faggotry - It's really let himself go. What happaned to the old days, when brass knuckles stood proudly longside blades and zipguns, used to settle stories down on the wes side?

If scene kids want to use brass knuckles as a fashion icon, they have to earn them. I want to see some emo kid slit his wrist with the blunt side of a pair of nucks. When I do, I'll be happy to let him wear the bloodied metal around his neck whenever he wants.

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