This will be the last self-involved wank for a while; I promise.
But I've always tried to be a good person. Do the right thing. Sure, i might be an asshole, but I've never been a bad person.
But I am fucked, time and time again by the bad people. And I can tell myself 'yeah, don't worry, they'll get theirs'
but I don't have the patience to wait anymore.
I try not to hate people - But they make it so fucking hard.
I've put my friends through stress and struggle, financial debt because further down the chain, some shitheel crackhead has fucked me. And I could otherwise have covered that trouble on my own - Except that I have blown all my profits on taxis, nice clothes, drugs, drugs, MORE DRUGS and only about a third of that has been for myself
because i have so little self fucking confidence that I jsut throw money and pills at people just so that they'll pay attention to me long enough to actually take an interest in something Ia ctually have to say
they don't, they never do. They just get caught up in the whirlwind - basslines, strobelights, acid trips and nitrous comas - And I still go home, empty handed, no money, nobody to talk to.
I'd talk to my real friends, but I owe them all money.
Not anymore. This is going to stop now. I'm done. being the good guy hasn't worked. I have to be the bad guy. I'm going to go and get my money, and then it's over.
XX = it's the doublecrosser chromosone
I'm through wasting my life.