Friday, August 14, 2009

Chaos in Metropila

It takes a special brand of bastard to pull on a pair of steel-toed boots every morning and then go to work, saying, in all effect "I am a willing foot soldier for small minded religious imperialism and xenophobia and I think that people who smoke marijuana deserve to go to jail."

I am talking, of course, about the police.

Now, I'm not saying they should be abolished. They provide a critical service - Junkyard bulldogs and tame monsters; kept on society's leash and released onto the murderers, rapists and thieves - Sent to tear a softball-sized chunk of hamstring out of the legs of madmen and scum.

But you gotta keep em on their toes. A complacent society is a society ripe for overthrow by communists, dogfuckers, or the japanese. The solution? Test their limits.

Go out tonight and head to the pub. Buy a packet of cigarettes and a scotch. Finish them both in less then an hour and go wander around a darker part of town. Not dark enough that you're going to get mugged for your bus pass and iPod, but bad enough that the cops regularly roll through.

Then, first one you see. Walk up to him. Look him in the eyes and stare him down. State, in no uncertain terms:

"I want to fight you."

The pig's instinct will be to reach for his pepper spray (or gun, depending on how fucking insane you look).

Slap his hand away and say again.

"I want to fight you. not your gun, not your mace. Don't try and pull that pussy fucking escalation of force bullshit. This a level playing field. I want to fight you. No belt, no shoes. just you and me in the gutter."

Give him about thirty seconds to think this through before spear tackling him into a lamp post.

This will, I feel, be a great benefit to society. If there was a legal oppurtunity to contest parking tickets and civil torts in a gladitorial arena rather then a court of law, I think we'd all be a lot happier. You wouldn't have to pay for a lawyer, and you could put a trident through that jupped up scrap of frogshit who wrote you up for being drunk and disorderly. The cases would move through a lot faster as well. A father could eke out reveenge on his daughters rapist/killer with a ball-peen hammer or pin him to a wall with a javelin.

4 comments:

Snowflake Obsidian said...

Inspiring.

N.R said...

"In America... "

Crtl Alt Fail said...

that's all well and good, but cops are trained to fight

paradox said...

question what if the 'wronged party' i use that term loosely and i don't mean in utterly pathetic cases but what for instance using one of your own examples the father of a rape victim and the rapist were to engage in this and the rapist came out the victor would he be deemed 'in the right' because he won or would you just keep throwing people up against him until justice was done ...who gets to decide when?