Friday, September 5, 2008

A not-so-modest proposal.

What are the biggest problems facing the world today? Overpopulation, food shortage, and the oil crisis.

Secondary to that, a couple of will-be-problems-soon are unemployment and obesity.

Who's overpopulated? Asia, for the most part. Nothing against them in particular, they're just the biggest source.

So now what? I'll tell you what. We send a few dozen C-17 Globemasters a day to ship asians into africa as feedstock. Simultaneously, anybody over a certain BMI, anywhere in the world (but especially in the west) is butchered for their body fat. This is fed through a catalytic cracker and broken down into biodiesel. Leftover meat is either shipped to africa or lysed by enzymes and used to feed algae banks turning CO2 into breathable oxygen.

All retirement homes are gassed with VX. Being of little nutritional value, the dead elderly will be used as algal feed. Homeless people will then be moved into the decontaminated retirement homes, with preference given to veterans.

So now we've removed overpopulation by converting excess into food for the starving, helped to counteract global warming, produced a new and viable source of green hydrocarbons and cleaned the homeless off the street. This also cuts a shitload of medical funding out, as complex dialysis machines and breathing apparatus are no longer needed my Grandma Daisie. because she's now a protein-rich paste feeding the earth, just like if she'd been buried, but far more efficient.

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